Possibilities R Infinite

Helping frustrated parents turn Their VISION into REALITY! From Frustration to Fulfillment!

Sharon Birn, MS; Certified Life Coach; Parenting Expert

 MY son inspires and teaches me every day.  Being his mom, has made me, and continues to make me a better version of me.  My son, and the fact that I was born to help others, are what motivated me to turn my VISION into REALITY!! Become a Life Coach.  My son was diagnosed with ADHD, a Severe Anxiety Disorder, and Irritable Bowel Syndrome. My son does not present like the typical child with these diagnoses.  For this reason, it has been difficult for educators, medical professionals, and other people to understand his needs at times.

In almost eleven short years, I have had to advocate, and sometimes fight with others to get him what he needs.  The ridiculous fact is that the fighting I had to do should never have had to occur.  I had to fight those who should have been working with me all along.  I had to fight the school system, teachers, principal and School psychologist to get him the accommodations he needed and are his right. Believe it or not I had to take his dad, my ex-husband to court, in order for him to agree to allow our son to take much needed medication.

The sad fact is that my son paid the price for the unnecessary delay in getting the help he needed because “professional” were fighting me.    The school would say things like, “you are making home too fun, he can do the work, he just avoids takes he doesn’t want too, he appears fine in school (when he is here) we don’t see any of this behavior. 

The behavior they were referring too included:  Locking himself in the bathroom, and not coming out; crying hysterically I am not going, don’t make me go; laying In a fetal position on the coach or floor rocking back and forth.  He would be saying don’t make me go.  He would complain of physical symptoms, I would take him to the doctor who would say, he needs to get to school he is physically well.  I agreed with doctor but when asked how he suggested I do that, he had no answer, equally unable to assist was the school.

The lack of understanding and assistance from professionals delayed my son’s getting the assistance he needed.  Many times they got into the blame game.  By that I mean, blaming me for not parenting right and not being able to force him to get to school.  I had the double whammy of feeling like the worst parent in the world.  I was disappointed in myself for not being able to successfully get him to attend school or to go anywhere for that matter, and the school staff was critiquing me and my parenting style.  They were judging and suggesting, but they were not here, LIVING IT.  They were depleting what little self confidence and self esteem I had left in myself as a parent down to nothing.  Just when I thought things could not get much lower, I was downsized from my job.

After, a brief stint with anger and fear, I decided this was it; I was taking all the things that were occurring as a sign.  It was obvious my son needed me around more.  He needed my physical presence around more, working outside the home, was not going to be feasible at time.  As a single mom, I needed a way to support him financially, while caring for his other needs.  The leap of faith occurred.  I decided to take a chance on my lifelong dream to help others in the manner they wanted me too and be able to be the best mom I could be.  I decided to marry my two loves, being a mom and helping others. 

I have felt so alone so many times throughout the last almost eleven years of parenting.  I want no other parent to ever feel as alone as I have.  It takes a village to raise a child(ren).  We all need support.  We should support others, not judge.  We are not in their world; we do not know their specific circumstances. 

This is how and why I decided to pursuit my dream to become a Certified Life Coach/Parent Expert; Facilitator/Public Speaker.  It is my dream and mission to help other parents develop Positive Parenting Practices that work for them, their children and given the circumstances as they pertain to them, not society as a whole. It is my mission to make parenting styles as unique as we are as parents, as unique as our children are, and as unique as the situations we face with our child are to us.  It is also my mission to increase self confidence of parents and remove the self-doubt that often impacts our effectiveness as parents.

Parents often get caught up in needing to do things the way others are doing them.  My belief is that, this is driven by human beings need for acceptance/inclusion.  There is no manual that spells out exactly how to handle a situation.  Each situation is as unique as each of us.  We need to develop strategies that work for us and our unique situations.  We need to write our own manuals, for parenting, and becoming the parents we want to be.  Our manual is written by US!  Its purpose to turn Our VISION for OURSELVES into REALITY!  

This is WHO I AM! And Who I continue to Strive to BE!

A huge shout out and thank you to my son, for continuing each day to make me a better version of myself.  Thank you for motivating me and encouraging me to pursuit my ultimate dream.  Most of all thank you for being YOU, and for giving me the gift of being your mom everyday!

Why do this vs. anything else?

Becoming a Certified as a Life Coach; Parenting Expert was a “no brainer” for me.  My life had gone through many significant changes in a short period.  Those changes crystallized for me, my true calling/passion.

As I said earlier, my experiences with parenting my own son over the past 10+ years are what inspired and motivated me to follow my true passion, and Lifelong dream.

Working with Frustrated parents to assist them with turning Their VISION into a REAITY: Flipping from FRUSTRATION into FULLFILLMENT allows me the opportunity to combine my two Loves.  It allows me to combine the two things that I was born to do, and that fuel my soul.  Be a mom, and help others.

My desire is to assist parents with flipping frustration into fulfillment stems from the following realizations, and my core value system:  Parents need to recognize that: 1. Children are people.  2. Children need to be respected and valued. 3. If they do not have the opportunity to learn life skills by practicing in childhood, they will not be productive functional adults. 4. Children should be seen and heard; Their thoughts, feelings and opinions do matter. 5.  I want to help parents feel fulfillment from parenting not frustration.  6. I want to build confidence in parents, so they can lead by example.  Parents really do know their child best, so must eliminate self doubt.  This is my passion it energizes and fulfills me.  Parenting is a commitment and a huge responsibility, but it is an honor to participate in someone’s self discovery and see who they will become.

  Following my lifelong vision and passion will also allow me to fulfill my life in the following ways:  

  • I will have financial, scheduling and decision making autonomy.
  • It will provide more stability and predictability than working for someone else.
  • It will provide Flexibility that allows me to do the two things that fuel my soul/I was born to do: Be a mom and help others. I get to combine my two loves.
  • It will allow me to allocate my time, at any given moment where it is needed most.
  • It will allow me to create time for work, but also more quality time, and memory building opportunities with my most precious gift, my son.
  • I can help people the way they want me to and not the way bureaucracy dictates.
  • I can help people feel fulfillment not frustration
  • I can help change perspectives on parenting.

 I will Set an example for my son if you have a dream go for it and don’t stop until you get!!  It is yours to achieve if you just believe.

It really does take a village to raise a child; parents are a “tribe.”  Parents should support one another not be quick to judge one another.


Some Success Stories:

Pete Z:  had an issue with his son, Pete Jr.  Pete had a spinal cord injury, he is a quadriplegic and full time wheelchair user.  Pete Jr. was smart and had quickly had learned by the “ripe old age of five, that his dad could not climb stairs.  So, if Pete Jr. had done something wrong, he would climb to the top of the stairs, and refuse to come down. 

At first this understandable frustrated Pete Senior, he would yell and scream until his throat hurt and his face turned red.  Pete Jr.  would laugh.  This went on for months.  Until one day, Pete Sr. had an “ah ha” moment during a coaching session.  Pete said, “Eventually he has to come down.  The only thing upstairs is his bedroom and a bathroom.  His playroom and kitchen are downstairs.  When asked, “so what will happen when he comes down?”  Pete said, “I can wait to deal with his behavior, and deliver his consequence when he comes down.”  Pete Sr. learned that delaying consequences was effective, and did not undermine his authority.  Conversely, staying calm, and explaining to Pete Jr. that: eventually he would have to come down, and would not be able to play in the playroom with his favorite toys magnified his authority.  It illustrated clearly, that he as the parent was in control.  This eliminated Pete Sr. frustration, removed self doubt, and built his confidence, to the great father he was.

Mike B:  would fight and get in a power struggle with his young son every morning.  What would the power struggle be about?  Wearing a jacket, Mike would insist his son would refuse.  This would cause his son to often miss the bus.  They both would start their day, angry, frustrated and tense.  Until during one coaching session he realized that children thrive some choice and control.  Some things such as wanting to ride ones’ bike in the middle of the street, are non-negotiable.  However, not wearing a jacket was not going to cause a safety issue to his son.  Mike would encourage his son to wear a jacket, if he would not, Mike would put it in his backpack.  Often, his son would go to the bus stop, and get cold.  He would ask Mike to get a jacket, Mike would then share with his son that it was already in his backpack “just in case.”  Today, Mike’s son independently will go to the door to determine whether or not he needs a jacket that morning.  If he is unsure, he will often take it with him, “just in case.”  Mike is thrilled because they no longer begin the day with a power struggle.  They both start their day in a calm, confident, and loving manner.  His son feels respected, and autonomous, and Mike feels great that he is empowering his son to make and trust decisions on his own.

 Bill H: His daughter did not like to complete homework.  He had tried everything.  He allowed her to earn things she wanted, for completing home work. He took privileges away when she did not.  Bill would get really frustrated and angry.  This was understandable.  His daughter would do the same, as she felt he was a nag.  They would feed off of one another’s negative emotions.  During a coaching session I asked Bill, who he answers to when he does not complete his work tasks?  He responded, “My boss.”  How often do you and your wife fight because you didn’t complete a work task?  “Never”, he responded.  We explored, what would happen if he took a similar approach with his daughter?  What effect will it have if he, stops fighting with her, and leaves her to have to answer to her teacher?  The idea of a natural consequence had never occurred to Bill.  The teacher assigns homework, like a boss in a work setting. So he decided to take a step back, and let his daughter take full responsibility for her homework completion.  If she did not, she had to deal with the teacher and whatever the teacher’s consequences were independently.  His daughter soon learned, doing her homework, on time, was better than detention.  Bill decreased everyone’s frustration and stress at home.  At the same time, he allowed his daughter to see firsthand how there are natural consequences for our decisions/actions.   

Lisa s: Came to me frustrated and sad that her son started to act out behaviorally. His temper became explosive.  She explained that, he son told her that, his dad had explained to him that he would be moving far away.  He explained, that means, I won’t be able to visit dad on the weekends.  We explored how her son’s uncharacteristic explosive behavior may be related to this news.  She shared that her son and his dad are really close.  I asked, “In your opinion in what manner do children communicate most?  She responded “through their behavior.”  What do you think his behavior is telling you?  Her response, “He is angry and sad.”  What effect would it have, if you focused less on the behavior, and more on what he might be trying to communicate through it?  She stated: She would be calmer, less frustrated and angry.  We explored how her remaining calm would impact her son.  Lastly, we explored that children, often do not possess the communication skills to effectively articulate their emotions (especially when intense) at her son’s age.   Lisa said she “had never considered that, looking at it that way makes me feel less sad and helpless.”  “By recognizing his behavior as communication, that may help me open up the lines with him.”

As with all situations in life, the possibilities of how you can and should approach parenting are infinite!

Helping frustrated parents turn Their VISION into REALITY! From Frustration to Fulfillment!

© Sharon Birn, 4/16/15