How many times have you been in a situation where you have the knee jerk reaction to play the blame game? Were you blaming someone, something, or even the situation for the circumstance you found yourself in?
We are all guilty of this; myself included. However, I find myself questioning more and moving away from the act of blame. I am discovering that blame has no purpose or value. It does not allow you to proceed. It does the exact opposite. It holds you back with frustration and anger either at yourself, another person or situation.
It is much more beneficial to move forward when we let go of blame and focus the issue at hand and how to efficiently resolve it.
Parents with different parenting styles often get into the “blame game”. They blame other parents style for the difficulty that their own child is having. For example, he acts the way he does because you don’t have consequences, you let him do what he wants. Conversely, the other parent views it this way.
Children are smart, they pick up on their parent’s blame game and use it to their advantage. We are all unique individuals with different approaches to all situations we face in life, including parenting. What makes us see that as a bad thing and fight against one another, is to be right.
What will happen if you start to focus on the fact that you both have the same outcome or goal in mind and use that common ground to focus on finding a resolution? What messages will that send to your child, and what valuable life lessons will you be teaching him/her? Two that come to my mind immediately are having respect for others’ values/opinions and compromise. It will teach your child you can agree to disagree with others, but still, work together with them and find some common ground.
It bears mentioning that most parents have different approaches to parenting. However, when you are co-parenting through a divorce, it is even more paramount that you strive to stay away from blame and focus on resolution.
If parents and all people would be willing to commit to focusing on finding a resolution, what a different world this would be!