Imperfection is a beautiful thing.
Allow yourself to be imperfect and have faults. We’re all humans and have faults. Allow yourself to mess up. Don’t hide your mess ups and failings. Leave them in the open. Use them as learning tools for yourself and your child. When a child sees that mess ups, failings and faults don’t kill us and/or end the world. They will be more accepting of their own faults as well as those of other people.
Children learn what they live. They learn more from what we do, how we act, and react to situations. When a child sees you be imperfect, mess up, make mistakes, and handle it with laughter, self love and acceptance it teaches your child to do the same for themselves.
An example of this is a burnt dinner. You can react in two very different ways. The first would be out of frustration and anger. It would play out something like this: “Ugg, I am so stupid, I am such an idiot, now what are we going to do for dinner? “ “I just spent an hour preparing and cooking this, what a waste of time.”
The second reaction would be more accepting of yourself and the situation. It would look something like this. “I can’t believe, I burnt our dinner, I got distracted by the phone.” “Guess we are having chicken fricassee for dinner, lol. “ “I have make something else, or order in.” ” Since, we don’t have a lot of time, I guess pizza it is.”The second reaction, demonstrates and acceptance of your being imperfect, and over time will allow your child the gift of developing the same skill.
Many children struggle with acceptance of their faults, and this creates much stress and tension for the family. Their struggle can be exhibited in many ways. A few common examples are: when they lose at a game, they throw remotes, game pieces, or sporting equipment.
Many children who struggle with the fact that they are imperfect, are perfectionists. They tend to have very high and unrealistic expectations of themselves. This creates an internal pressure that is not only impossible to meet, but puts a tremendous amount of pressure on them, that is hard to bear.
Here are effective ways to reduce perfectionism, and increase acceptance of one’s imperfections: Ask one or both of the following questions:
How is losing at this game to “kill” your or be the end of the world?”
What can you learn from playing this game today?
In addition, try asking, is “there anything you can do differently next time, that may change the outcome or results?
With young children you can ask the questions and provide the answers too, as they will not have the life experience and verbal skills needed to “get there.” This is why modeling positive ways to react is important at all ages, but is most effective when begun with your children when they are young.
Whenever possible show them what they can learn from a situation, don’t tell them.
Imperfections are beautiful. Let’s help our children learn to truly appreciate them in themselves and others, by making it a habit to do this ourselves!
If you love your child(ren) but are struggling with parenting and want some guidance, someone to listen to you and support you in your parenting efforts. If you are looking for some tips and tricks in how to get your child(ren) to listen to you or behave and do what you need them to do. I encourage you to sign up for a 30 minute call. https://calendly.com/sharon-1
I look forward to working with you and helping you to create a joyous family environment.